Is unconditional love toxic?

It’s a strange world we live in. We stay with people we don’t want to be with, love the people we know we can never have, make love to the ones who broke our hearts and deceive the ones who’d take a bullet for us. In all its entirety, it’s not an ideal place but I shall not believe that it can’t be made bearable with a little attempt on our part. A mistake can be a moment longer but it’s a complete lie when you keep making the same mistake over and over and over again. Is that what you think? That you deserve to be treated that way? Like the dirt under your feet? I find it so unbelievable to see people all around me with so little self-esteem that they cannot walk away from things that are clearly destroying them. They call it love. It’s not loving. I promise you, it’s not because if you actually love somebody, you set them free. You let them be who they want to be and with the person they want to be even if that means you are to stay alone; even if that means that you won’t be by their side. Love is risking your own happiness to put a smile on another’s face.

Love is complete and undeniably, selfless. It’s a blessing when that selflessness gets rewarded or reciprocated by the same sensations but if they are not and you can still hold on to your emotions if you can love a man even when you know he’ll never be yours if you can care for a man irrespective of what he does to you, that is the love of an unconditional kind. Jesus Christ was nailed by men and all he said was:  Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. That is unconditional love. You forgive people despite the worst that they put you in. it doesn’t mean you agree to their deeds. There was a very famous and controversial TedEx talk by the author of South of Forgiveness, Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger. For those who haven’t read the book, read it, it's excellent. You can also watch their talk here. But let me warn you, it’s a difficult read and an even difficult watch. Most of the things they say and the events that are linked to both of their lives are so despondent that it may confuse any rational mind but as they say, it is what it is and people do what they think they need to do to be at peace with their inner self and sometimes, mercy for the most heinous of acts seems to be a way out. 

Now, don’t get confused because the idea of unconditional most generally unrequited love is often mixed with accompanying the wrong man or deed for a lifetime (a toxic form of love) which is absolutely untrue. Being with somebody is a completely different notion that is very independent of love. I’ve seen marriages dissolve after decades of togetherness because couples realize at a very later stage of their life that they have never loved the people they have been with. They have always wanted other things, other people, perhaps but were too afraid to take a leap of faith. Security felt easier, so marriage was just a deal to hold on to that security. But at the end of one’s youth when they have seen much of the world around them blow up to bits and accepted that everything in this Universe is so transient, then compromise in the name of Love becomes nothing a regret. Beware; some of us take these regrets to our graves or burning pyres.

Most of us live under the false impression that to love unconditionally is to own the person totally or to do whatever is needed to be done to be with that person even if that means you continually hurt him or yourself in that process. But I strongly disagree with that notion. As Somerset Maugham put in his story: “I cannot sing unless I’m free, and if I cannot sing I die,” he said. The Princess gave a great sob. ‘‘Then take your freedom,” she said. “I shut you in a golden cage because I loved you and wanted to have you all to myself. But I never knew it would kill you. I love you enough to let you be happy in your own way.” She threw open the window and gently placed the little bird on the sill. He shook himself a little. “Come and go as you will, little bird,” she said. “I will never put you in a cage anymore.” “I will come because I love you, little Princess,” said the bird.”
The same goes for life. You can very well love a person and yet walk away from him. In fact, that kind of love is a lot more daunting and more, respectable to you and the other person as well. So, let your love flutter its wings. Let it breathe in the air of freedom. Let it taste the purity of your love in it and most of all have faith in it. If it is yours, it’ll stay. If not, fear you not because the heart doesn’t bleed forever and eyes don’t always cry!