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Nirvana

I have come to a point in my life where my happiness does not depend on other people anymore, where anything people say or do to me, good or bad does not affect me. It's not that I don't care. 

I do, probably just as much as I did years ago but I just don't show it anymore because life has taught me that people will always think and speak based on their perceptions and I cannot really explain things to people who just don't want to understand. So I have just got a little cold about everything now. Not sad, not happy. Just neutral. 

You want to talk with me, I'll be as nice as I can. You don't want to have anything to do with me, nobody's holding the door close. Leave in your time. And don't fear about how I feel because trust me heavily on this, I feel nothing anymore. I have come to believe that the actual root of life's many problems are too many expectations and I have admonished and corrected myself and no, I don't expect any more. I hope but never expect. Those again are too very different things under the sun. So now if I am anything then the word for it is indifferent. But just one request, if you leave, know one thing. 

I have no intention and definitely zero strength of picking an argument with you, presenting gibberish ideas as facts to you, winning that argument you so wanted to have from the first moment and then have a momentary ecstatic ending. I don't want an erratic ending. I want a peaceful life because the end will get over in an instant but the life, I'll have to live to my Death. The argument would be too much work. Even the thought of the entire process makes me sick in my stomach. So, if you make a decision to leave, please stay gone. You'll be surprised at how you'll be replaced. Not because you were unworthy or something, but just because places don't stay empty except maybe those of parents. Nobody can fill the place of a mother and father up. No best friend can, no crazy devoted lover can, no child can. And since you haven't been much of a guardian to me even if you've been a pretty good guardian angel, I am sure there will be someone better than you to take your place. And if isn't, let that place stay empty. I love the low-people-density in my life. But this cycle of people circling in and out of my life gets on my nerves sometimes. I get confused as to when they are gone and when they are staying. And I'd rather have a little bit of clarity bout my own life, don't you think?

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