Deyasini Thinks

And in the funeral service of his father, we met again. At the first look, I couldn't recognize him. That man bun, those blue sunglasses were replaced with a bald head and round glasses. Thirteen years of IT consultancy does that to a man, I guess; in this case, it killed the musician inside. In so many ways, I perceived myself as a lot luckier than my other counterparts. Living amidst people who constantly kept cribbing about how boring and unchallenging their jobs were, I got to live life on my own terms. Traveling between countries, meeting new people every day, making new ties, and breaking old ones in a wink; just the kind I imagined while I was still in college. In my case, I got to live the dream. Apparently, life was not that easy a cakewalk for most of the others. Otherwise, Nikhil would have been the greatest beatboxer ever. Only, at our times, nobody understood his art.  I felt a bit disappointed looking at him, the way you feel when a guest turns up not looking the way ...

Dear Rituparno Ghosh, I hope this letter finds you(if in some extra-terrestrial, ghostly way it ever does) happy, peaceful and above all, accepted in the new world you now belong to. I do not really believe in an afterlife but deaths like yours want me to believe in some sort of continuity. Something that my heart can still cling to because the blank truth of somebody's existence so blatantly wiped off from the surface of the world makes so little sense to me. In a historic judgement made by the Supreme Court two days earlier, gay couples are now legally allowed to get involved and married and live together happily ever after. Finally, they have the permission of the law to have their own fairy tale ending. But how much of the war is really won, I do not know. Law is a cold statement meant to be brought to life by the people meant to enforce it. You fought a lifelong war trying to get adjusted in a society that looks down at effeminate men with mockery and contempt, ostracizes peop...

At first, you don't see it coming. At first, the depths of your feelings are lost in the frivolity and the levity of your friendship. In the beginning, you're so certain of your existing love that you cannot believe you'll fall over or out. You believe that your sense of righteousness and virtue would bond you. But you are human, fallible, and perhaps, not half as glorious as you assumed yourself to be. So slowly, you give yourself away, secret by secret, pain by pain. Moment by moment, day by day you witness yourself fall for another man and you hate yourself, you loathe yourself but you are at a slippery edge and you can't stop falling. And then you slowly start seeing signs of the impending catastrophe but you are already enjoying the stolen time, the time you are not accountable anymore, the time you can be someone else and you let it be.  And in those moments, being happy becomes more important than being saintly. The jaunty conversations get breezier than the rest...

I have come to a point in my life where my happiness does not depend on other people anymore, where anything people say or do to me, good or bad does not affect me. It's not that I don't care.  I do, probably just as much as I did years ago but I just don't show it anymore because life has taught me that people will always think and speak based on their perceptions and I cannot really explain things to people who just don't want to understand. So I have just got a little cold about everything now. Not sad, not happy. Just neutral.  You want to talk with me, I'll be as nice as I can. You don't want to have anything to do with me, nobody's holding the door close. Leave in your time. And don't fear about how I feel because trust me heavily on this, I feel nothing anymore. I have come to believe that the actual root of life's many problems are too many expectations and I have admonished and corrected myself and no, I don't expect any more. I hope but...

A few days ago, in reference to sending speakers to an event, somebody proposed my name. I was happy unless in a different context, a male acquaintance said: there should be a female face in the crowd. At another time, a kin was shocked to hear that one of my girl friends has bagged a fantastic job. Often, I have heard people of my age and generation say oh she was a girl, that's why she got the job. Now, I really don't know whats sadder: the fact that men, even in our generation subconsciously weighs women by their looks rather than their brain or multinational companies have to give something almost like reservation for women to maintain sex ratio at a workplace. But one thing is clear, hypocrisy runs in our veins thicker than blood. We run campaigns of women empowerment but ask women in our own families to adjust to the male chauvinistic patriarchal society. We say women deserve equal opportunities yet every time, a woman gets a promotion or applaud, we so casually say oh sh...

O Henry wrote a very romantic story, The Gift Of The Magi  in the 1900s. It was about this young poor couple who don't have enough enough to buy presents for their partners.  So, each other them decides to sell off their most prized possession to raise money for a gift. Jim sells his golden watch to buy a ribbon for Della's long red hair while Della trades her hair to buy a chain for Jim's watch. At the outset, it seems to be a perfect love story with both protagonists showing acts of unconditional love. Visit the same couple twenty five years later, O Henry might had gotten shocked to see the blatant bitterness that eventually overrides love and reduces lovers to perfect strangers. It is said loves knows no reason and lovers make no sense; so, when reason actually comes knocking at the door, love escapes the first or maybe, just evaporates leaving behind a residue of sheer bitterness, resentment and thorough regrets. Regrets for choosing relationships over careers, partner...

Clay Jensen completely loses himself. A lot of people find out who they really are and maybe, they are not the best of what they thought they’ll turn out to be. These Liberty kids have gone through a significant lot in their high school. They’ve lost friendships, love and they all have secrets. And its been far too long that they’ve been watching each others’ backs trying to keep their ‘friends’ safe. But, enough is enough and one can only take so much. In this season of a show which used to be really good in its first season, the creators swim in an ocean of disoriented content to give an apt ending. They fail, miserably. There is essentially no development in either the story or the characters in this season anymore. Almost everybody’s coping mechanism here seems to be talking to dead people. Clay sees dead people everywhere and even, talks to Bryce and Monty. Jess and Alex talk to Bryce. And Winston dances with and kisses Monty. Clay, being Clay tries as hard as he can to save...

This year’s totally been one hell of a one. There’s been this never ending pandemic situation which was locked all of us up in our homes disrupting all sorts of daily activities and normal lifestyles. Then there were cyclones: super cyclone Amphan which is the worst of the kind seen since 1999 and Nisarga which again has broken all records in the history of storms and cyclones. There are earthquakes shaking the country, people are getting killed for their skin color(know more here ), communalism is being forced into every last thing existing on this planet(even killing elephants is a communal debate ) and just today morning, a massive oil spill in Siberia has coerced the Russia government to declare a state of emergency. Moral of the story? The world isn’t really the most ideal place to be in and in the most recent times, its been a little too worse and not always can everybody help even if they want to and that inability to help sometimes more than often gives rise to a...

It’s a strange world we live in. We stay with people we don’t want to be with, love the people we know we can never have, make love to the ones who broke our hearts and deceive the ones who’d take a bullet for us. In all its entirety, it’s not an ideal place but I shall not believe that it can’t be made bearable with a little attempt on our part. A mistake can be a moment longer but it’s a complete lie when you keep making the same mistake over and over and over again. Is that what you think? That you deserve to be treated that way? Like the dirt under your feet? I find it so unbelievable to see people all around me with so little self-esteem that they cannot walk away from things that are clearly destroying them. They call it love. It’s not loving. I promise you, it’s not because if you actually love somebody, you set them free. You let them be who they want to be and with the person they want to be even if that means you are to stay alone; even if that means that you won’t be by thei...